Chinese Food for the Real Patriotic American

Josh Freedman
1 min readDec 13, 2020


When France refused to support the US invasion of Iraq in 2003, Republicans in the House of Representatives changed “French fries” to “Freedom fries” on the Congressional cafeteria menu. Now, as geopolitical relations between the US and China are nearing a breaking point, what can freedom-lovers do to ensure that beloved American-Chinese cuisine exudes the right amount of patriotism?

Army Sergeant First Class Tso’s Chicken

America Is Number Wonton Soup

Stars and Tripe Forever

Remember the Alamoo Shu Pork

Give Me Liberty or Give Me Shrimp with Black Bean Sauce

Pork Trumplings

Lo Mein America Great Again

Blue Chives Matter

Beef with Any Country Who Supports the Paris Agreement

Provoking and Escalating A Mutually Harmful Tit-for-Tat That Harms Liberal Democracy and Empowers Hawkish Politicians with No Obvious Strategic Goal To Own the Libs Steamed Vegetables with Garlic Sauce

Really White Rice



Josh Freedman

Unable to refuse a selfie, much to my own detriment.