Howdy, neighbors! I’m so excited to move to Georgia. I’m moving here because I really want to live in Georgia, and not at all because there is a double special election that will determine control of the entire US Senate, and new residents are allowed to register to vote. No — it’s because I love Georgia.
The air down here just feels freer, you know? Back in Boston, the liberal elitism was so stifling: I couldn’t even buy a coffee without the barista asking if I wanted real milk or oat milk! …
When France refused to support the US invasion of Iraq in 2003, Republicans in the House of Representatives changed “French fries” to “Freedom fries” on the Congressional cafeteria menu. Now, as geopolitical relations between the US and China are nearing a breaking point, what can freedom-lovers do to ensure that beloved American-Chinese cuisine exudes the right amount of patriotism?
Army Sergeant First Class Tso’s Chicken
America Is Number Wonton Soup
Stars and Tripe Forever
Remember the Alamoo Shu Pork
Give Me Liberty or Give Me Shrimp with Black Bean Sauce
Lo Mein America Great Again
Blue Chives Matter
Beef with Any Country Who Supports the Paris Agreement
Provoking and Escalating A Mutually Harmful Tit-for-Tat That Harms Liberal Democracy and Empowers Hawkish Politicians with No Obvious Strategic Goal To Own the Libs Steamed Vegetables with Garlic Sauce
Really White Rice
There comes a time in a man’s life when he faces a monumental choice: he has only one pair of clean underwear left, yet he desperately wants to avoid doing his laundry. Such a dilemma cannot scare me, however, now that I have taken ECON 2005: Formal Modeling for the Social Sciences. Should I get off my ass and do laundry? All I need is some game theory.
Let’s imagine a game with two players, A and B. Player A is me, right now, sprawled helplessly on the carpet, thinking about the insignificance of mankind in an ever-expanding universe. For…
It has come to my attention that numerous commentators have disparagingly referred to President Donald Trump as a “flamin’-hot Cheeto.” As a member of the Cheetos® Cheese Flavored Snack family, I am deeply hurt by this comparison, and would like a public apology.
Cheetos® Cheese Flavored Snacks take pride in our long and storied history of deliciousness. Although Mr. Trump’s orange-tinted skin does, in some ways, evoke the coloration of a flamin’-hot Cheeto, the resemblance ends there. Cheetos® Cheese Flavored Snacks are known for our consistency and predictability: In fact, we are scientifically engineered to be as predictable as possible…
Eight years ago, my kitchen was bleak. My pantry was empty and my life felt like it was in shambles. I needed to be able to cook a dish that would simply wow people, to prove that there was something bigger in my life. I asked — can I make a delicious, moist risotto?
The answer came back: Yes I Can.
But the last eight years were a disappointment. I made hundreds of risottos, and none of them were perfect. Some were too dry; others, too moist. …
Oh boy! This election season has gotten me all riled up about America. It sure has been a confusing and interesting time — so confusing, in fact, that I have a confession to make. I know I’ve been pretty vocal, but I think it might be possible that I made a big ol’ goof. It looks like I mixed up all of my pronouns!
You might be asking, “Now, dear, what do you mean you mixed up all of your pronouns? Is this about those bathrooms in North Carolina?” No way, legal resident Jose — I’m talking about when I…
“The 13th 5-Year Plan period is a decisive stage in comprehensively building a moderately prosperous society. We must conscientiously implement strategic decisions [….] to provide a solid foundation for the implementation of China’s dream of its great rejuvenation.” — China’s 13th 5-Year Plan, 2016–2020
The 6th 5-Year Plan period is a decisive period in Josh’s existence. Economic headwinds are increasing, and fiscal pressure continues to hit unprecedented levels. In the next five years, Josh must unswervingly push forward to realize the great rejuvenation of his personal and professional life.
Tremendous gains have been made in the past 5 years, such…
If you are a foreigner in China who speaks even the slightest bit of Chinese, the first three sentences of every conversation are identical. The simplest poorly pronounced ni hao elicits effusive praise about your intelligence. You assure your conversation partner that your Chinese is, in fact, quite poor; they respond with further praise or genuine disbelief. The first few times I had this interaction, right after I moved to China, I kept messing up halfway through: I could not properly demur because my Chinese was not good enough to understand that I was being complimented on my Chinese.
Unable to refuse a selfie, much to my own detriment.